My son died.. How am I?

As many of you will already know my son died earlier this year. His death was very unexpected and it was due to no fault of his own. To say that it’s been a struggle is an understatement, after all we aren’t supposed to outlive our children.

My son had plans to go travelling and to work near family in Estonia and Latvia, something that he was looking forward to. Josephs death has changed us all in one way or another.

The sudden death team over at Greater Manchester Police have been amazing, they’ve literally held my hand through it all, from daily phone calls to see if I was ok and other phone calls about Joseph and the horrible stuff that every person has to go through when a loved one dies suddenly.

The loss of Joseph hit me hard again when last week I received a phone call from the coroners office. She phoned to tell me that I would be getting a full copy of his postmortem and notification that they’ve been able to bring his inquest back to the 2nd September rather than October.

Good news I suppose but not the news that any parent wants.

I really didn’t know what to expect when I received my first copy of his postmortem via email, but I did know that reading it would be extremely hard for me. My little boy (even though he was almost 6ft tall) has gone. I had proof in the black and white print I was reading on my laptop.

I suppose that it’s easier to hold onto him before the postmortem results even though we’d already given him a lovely funeral and memorial thanks to everyone that helped me with this. It’s a totally different ball game when you’re faced with it in black and white.

So back to the Postmortem… The coroner couldn’t find a cause of death and this will be the report given at the inquest. I had been warned that this would probably happen. Privately she said that even though theres no obvious cause of death it could have been one extra painkiller that took him away.

I do know however that he fell asleep happily listening to his music after talking to his sister and myself and he wouldn’t have felt any discomfort etc.

The hardest thing to deal with physically was going to his flat and sorting things out. I did this with my oldest daughter and we were very distressed because once again it was a reality check.

We could see exactly what his last movements were. He washed his pots, got changed and went to bed. Everything was left as it was. In a corner we spotted Josephs Easter chocolates for all of us that we no longer would be getting.

Back home I made a wooden chest for Josephs clothes and belongings and I locked them all away safely. I’m hoping that he approves.

Joseph had many struggles during his short life, the most notable ones being his primary and secondary schools refusing to recognise that he was autistic and he had to learn differently to others. I know that many parents of children with additional needs are still fighting this battle.

The sad reality is that years after my son left school, thousands of parents are still forced to fight to have their children educational needs met… From autism, dyslexia and many other additional needs that they might have.

Parents shouldn’t be forced to have to fight for a decent education but still they have to.

Joseph didn’t give up though and despite the odds he did extremely well for himself and I was very proud of him. He was a very special person that is missed by so many.

Never give up fighting for your children, they deserve to be treated well and have their needs met. I did my best but absolutely no one would listen to me.

I’m sorry that this weeks blog is different than usual. I’ll be back to normal next week. Thanks for reading and sharing my blog posts it means the world to me.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Please read, share and tweet my blog. A huge thank you to everyone that does and has supported my blog and campaign, I couldn’t do it without you.

I don’t receive any funding for the work that I do and I’m finding it much harder since my son died.

If you would like to donate theres a donate button at the top and side of this blog post. Thank you.

12 thoughts on “My son died.. How am I?”

  1. We are all standing side by side with you Charlotte.im sure Joseph is smiling down at you and is as proud of you as you are of him

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  2. I am so sorry Charlotte. What an awful, awful thing for you and your family to have suffered. It sounds like you are doing all the right things for Joseph and that he would have been very happy with them. He must have been so proud to have you as a mother, you are so caring and loving and the help and support that you struggle to provide for others is incredible. Don’t give up the fight, we are all behind you and grateful for all that you do. My thoughts are with you.
    Bo Jones,
    Southampton

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  3. You have written so well, which must be difficult with such grief. The struggle to get help for a child in school with additional needs is so difficult, my youngest son was dyslexic and it was a battle from the age of 5 until he left at 16. Like you have said, you do all you can, but it feels like it’s never enough. Thank you for being brave enough to share. Thinking of you.

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  4. You write very well. I feel for you. I wonder if you have heard of C S Lewis’s book, “A Grief Observed” ? It was written after the death of his wife Joy Davidman. I confess, to my shame, that I have never read it, but it has received much favourable comment over the last 60 years.

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